Misogyny disguised as humour is still misogyny

And, more generally, any form of bigotry disguised as humour is still bigotry. As a white, middle-aged, middle-class male my experience of bigotry is far more likely to be as a perpetrator than as a victim. Because that's not the person I want to be, I take my cues on what is and is not acceptable from the people who are more likely to be victims.

Raise your concerns. Politely.

Bigot and misogynist are insults - with few exceptions, nobody likes to think of themselves by those labels.

A far more productive approach is to recognize that no one pode be a bigot in the way that someone can be, say, an American. A 'bigot' is not a thing you are but at certain times we all say bigoted things or carry out bigoted actions. Dealing with it requires an understanding that good people sometimes do bad things and if they want to do bad things less often they have to be able to recognize the bad things without thinking of themselves as bad people.

Algo como:

Hey, I want to talk about what's going on between Lady and Man. Last session it got pretty violent and we all had a laugh about some old sexist stereotypes. However, on reflection, I'm not comfortable with where it went and where it seems it might go in the future - it's not the type of situation that I'd want to see my sister/mother/girlfriend in, and while I know it's all make-believe, this is not an area I want to explore through role-play. Can we tone it down?

And then listen.

Don't expect behaviour to change in one go

If they agree to "tone it down" you may find that this doesn't stick. This isn't a snub to you. Behavior change is hard. You will need to be prepared for backsliding and to gently remind them that you all agreed you weren't going to do this anymore.

Be prepared to walk

If this doesn't change and it makes you so uncomfortable that you aren't enjoying yourself - stop.

It's a big wide world out there full of role playing games.

There are actually two separate issues here. The first issue is the in-character conflict and escalation. I've experienced similar uncomfortable situations as both a player and as a DM, where something unpleasant happened between two characters and players made off-color remarks about the situation afterwards. Typically, it's the DM's responsibility to address this kind of behavior, but you still have a few options as a player:

1. Discuss your concerns with the DM privately. It will help if you can articulate your specific concerns about this behavior - maybe even write them down beforehand for clarity. For example, are you upset about the violence/insults themselves? Or are you more bothered by the characters acting out of character? Etc. Ask the DM if these behaviors are out of line for the table agreement or session zero (if you have neither of those, now is a good time to suggest making one).

2. Discuss your concerns with one or both of the players involved. Do this privately as well, to avoid anyone feeling ganged up on. Ask if the player is happy with what happened, or if they'd prefer things not to escalate that far in the future.

If the DM does not share your concerns and/or says the behaviors are acceptable under the table agreement, and/or if both players are happy with the events as they played out, then you must choose whether to continue playing with this group or look for a group which more closely matches your playstyle.

If the DM agrees with your concerns, ask about their thoughts for how to avoid such behavior in the future. Your DM may already know how to handle out-of-line players; if not, point them to the jogadores-problema tag here or offer suggestions of your own, if you have any.

If one or both of the players isn't happy with the outcome, offer to help by stepping in, both in-character and out. For example, find an excuse for your character to overhear the screaming and approach the characters to intervene. Or agree that the next time things start to get out of hand, you'll interject out of character to say "hey, we're getting off track. Can we get back to (whatever else is going on)?"

The second issue is the post-session off-color chatter. This is trickier to deal with and depends heavily on how comfortable you feel standing up to the other players. If you do feel comfortable calling out the misogynistic remarks (or want to get better at doing so), I recommend checking out Capitão Inábil or similar advice columnists for scripts to use in the moment. (Advice columnist scripts are great in general; I don't just use them at the game table but in many situations at work and in my personal life.)

If you don't feel comfortable calling out this behavior (which is totally okay!), you must again decide whether to continue playing with this group. It's completely reasonable to stop hanging out with people who make you uncomfortable. You do not have to explain that such off-color chatter is why you're dropping out, if you don't want to; you can always make up another reason or just use the bland, "I don't think my playstyle is a match for your group". Remember, you are not obligated to play in a game you do not enjoy, and you are not obligated to spend time with people who make you uncomfortable.

Voice your concerns, but be prepared for the worst

I've played at a table where language and other discussions were pretty rough. We had a player who was clearly uncomfortable with it and voiced their concerns. Unfortunately, the rest of the table was okay with everything and that player opted to depart the game.

However, part of the problem was how they approached the table with their issue. They came in very hard and judgemental and demanded that certain other actions be performed (including the development and signing of an agreement.) While that contributed to the negative response to change from the table, I am not sure if any approach would have worked.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but you need to be prepared to walk away if you are not comfortable with the general table attitude.

Do what's right for you

From what you've described, the DM and the other players either turn a blind eye or openly accept this 'banter'. It's still possible that others were hiding their true feelings as you've also noted. But we don't know what's going on in their heads and really can only make decisions based on the actions at the table.

Having said that, I'm not going to judge them and I'm not going to judge you - but if that is the table, then that is the table.

It doesn't mean they won't change, and you should give them an opportunity to do so. But if they like how they play and don't want to change, then you'll need to make a decision as to whether this is a group you want to play with.

Talking to them

This is the hardest part, and the player in question in my group didn't do it tactfully. They came in demanding change and being very judgmental (not necessarily without reason, but still judgmental.)

When you decide to talk, I'd suggest starting with a talk with the DM directly. It's their table and they have the most control over what happens in-game. If things go well, they can help bridge the gap to the players. If it doesn't you know you've hit a wall.

But ultimately, you have to be realistic here. If the other players (including DM) are generally okay with the sort of talk/action, then it's unlikely you're going to initiate change with them and you may be better served by playing at a table that is more in line with your very reasonable world-view. If you do find support from the DM and then can suss out whether other players were uncomfortable like you were and hiding it to 'fit in', then it's even more likely you'll be able work on their attitudes.

This isn't to say in an ideal world you can't effect change like this, but I'm looking at this through the lens of my experience with a similar situation (although that's a single data point) and the likely reality of your table situation.

PvP at the table

This is an area that I think has been overlooked both in your question and the answers.

First, is everyone on-board with Player vs Player actions? Was that discussed early on and agreed on? If so, that's fine, but it's important to note that it doesn't mean you ignore basic combat/encounter rules if you allow it.

In your example, initiative should have been rolled once a player declared a PvP action. Surprise may or may not occur, but after that, then just let the players do their actions through turn-based initiative. Odds are, what happened wouldn't have. Talk to your DM about making sure that actions like this should be adjudicated while in initiative so that all parties involved can participate within the ruleset.

Just because the creatures involved in an encounter are controlled entirely by players doesn't mean that it isn't just a standard encounter.